Just Returned From → Lake Superior Provincial Park, Ontario. Headed To → Northern Saskatchewan.

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10 Things I Don’t Want to See on the Ski Hill Next Year

ski-étiquette

Avventura Outdoors Sale

Your definitive guide to ski and snowboard etiquette.

In This Ski/Snowboard Article You Will Discover:

  • Chairlift Do’s & Don’ts (mostly the latter)
  • Lodge life tips
  • Real-world safety
  • How to be a better human

I just returned from another awesome day at Whistler Blackcomb. It’s still my all-time favourite ski resort.

While spring has not quite officially sprung, it was above-zero and sunny all day, reminding me that season’s end is just a couple months off. All good things…

No. Not all good things. Permit me a rant.

I don’t care if you ski in jeans. I don’t care if you snowplow for years. I don’t care if you have multiple yard-sale bails. In fact, I like watching people wipe out (as long as they stand up afterwards) and I can laugh at myself, too.

(Don’t judge, there’s a reason Jerry of the Day has 1.4 million followers and counting.)

But I do care about the following 10 Deadly Sins of the Slopes. Let’s turf them for the 2018/19 season, OK?

My Slopeside Shit List, in no particular order of severity and referencing no particular mountain at all:

1. Singles Line Cheaters

I might get some pushback on this, but I stand firm—if you’re skiing or riding with a group, stay out of the singles line. I don’t want to see three friends scoot into the singles line to get past the crowds, yakking it up the whole time then filing one-by-one into open seats. Some of us ski solo. That’s what a singles line is for.

2. Beer Cans Below

I could better understand the mindset of a goddamn Trump voter than I could the person who travels into our beautiful alpine only to pitch crushed beer cans off the chairlift. Areas with night-skiing are particularly nasty. Yes—all litter is bad. But a Clif bar wrapper could be simply negligent. A crushed beer can is always purposeful.

3. Chairlift Chuffers

Despite the fact that most, if not all, ski resorts in Canada have banned cigarette smoking on chairlifts, I still come across the occasional jackass who lights up while giving me a sly “you don’t mind, do you?” look. Yeah. I do. I minded when I was 10 and it was legal and I mind even more now. I didn’t escape the city to breathe your toxic fumes.

4. Smartphone DJs

People who play music sans earphones should have their friggen passes revoked. No one cares about your mash-ups, dude! Literally every music player since the days of transistor radios has had an earphone jack. (Some newfangled ones don’t even need wires!) Please use it.

5. End-of-Day Decapitators

Carrying your skis on your shoulder just makes good sense. But realize the tips/tails—the parts you can’t see—are sticking out as much as a metre behind your noggin. So when you stop in the middle of a crowd and swing suddenly around, you risk lopping my head off with those freshly sharpened edges.

6. Green-Run Racers

It had been a while since I spent real time on a beginner run, but in recent years as I taught my wife the ol’ pizza/french fries, I found myself hanging out on the flats. And I cannot believe how many people I see skimming through ski schools and buzzing beginners. Newsflash—if you can straight-line a green it might be time to move to a blue. I get that greens often traverse from lift-to-lift. But it’s like a “School Zone” on the road. Slow the eff down. You’re scaring the noobs.

7. Powder Pushers

Maybe you got in over your head. Maybe you lack technique. But when you cruise into an untracked, billowy run of powder and side-slip all the fluffy stuff away in a desperate attempt to get down upright, you ruin it for everyone else. Point ‘em—or stay on the groomers.

8. Tail Gunners

I don’t expect to keep my skis pristine. But I’d like most of the damage to be my fault, OK? So when I’m pushing into the chairlift line and you go skimming over my tails (likely with one hand on your iPhone), it kinda pisses me off. Pretty sure I’m not alone here.

9. Mid-Run Relaxers

Ever notice how ski runs tend to undulate? They descend the mountain usually not in one constant slope, but in a succession of lips and ledges with descents in between. You’ll recognize those lips and ledges by the ubiquitous orange “slow” sign atop. Or, you know, by their flatness. They are good spots to rest and enjoy the view. The slopes in between are where you should sit only if you fancy being impaled by my Elans.

10. Lodge Hogs

I know your matching goggles, helmet and gloves are pretty sweet. But not so sweet they need a seat to themselves at the lodge, right?

Other than that… see ya on the slopes 😉

About the author: David Webb is a Vancouver, BC-based travel writer, photographer and magazine editor.

18 comments… add one
  • Scandinavian Holidays Sep 10, 2018

    Great post David, thanks for sharing.

  • farenexus Sep 6, 2018

    Great and very valuable information you have shared on this platform. Thanks for sharing it!!

  • Shadani Aug 30, 2018

    Thanks For Sharing Valuable Information.

  • Jacqueline Jul 25, 2018

    I just loved these hills seriously cant wait to go there…this post makes me so happy..thanks for posting!

  • Bimal Up Jul 8, 2018

    It’s necessary to be alert in everything while travelling. Stay cool and continue travelling and make your life a fully adventurous.

  • Farjana Jul 4, 2018

    It’s really a helpful post that worth much. So, thank you so much for the post.

  • Ben Lawson Jul 2, 2018

    Wow these tips are really awesome really like your post you just made 1 more follower to your site

  • Albert bravo Jun 27, 2018

    This is informative post for us ,so thanks a lot for that. you just made 1 more follower to your site.

  • Vishal Arora Jun 25, 2018

    Yup, I don’t want to see it too.

  • DanielWalker Jun 13, 2018

    Great post. Thanks for sharing the article.

  • Harris Jun 6, 2018

    Great post. thanks for sharing.

  • I agree with your post. I feel the same about #2 & 4.

  • Bimal Paudel May 3, 2018

    Great contents to read. Thank You.

  • Damien Haney Apr 24, 2018

    LOL 😛
    “Beer Cans Below” point is just WoW! Love to read others Point as well.

  • Gemma Mar 24, 2018

    I somehow found myself saying ‘yes!!’ after each number on the list and wondering if that was bad. I don’t think so!

  • Riya Khanna Mar 23, 2018

    I just came across to your website when I am searching for the travel informative website. I think this is the right choice for me. Thanks for sharing this post.

  • David Webb Mar 19, 2018

    This response makes me so happy. 🙂

  • Js Mar 18, 2018

    Fuck off with your Trump comments

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